Hi, I’m Sadie

I used to make the joke that my name, Sadie, could be broken down into "sad" and "die," which honestly wasn't a joke for most of my life. That's who I thought I was. 

I WAS SAD. AND I WANTED TO DIE. SOUNDS DRAMATIC, BUT IT WAS TRUE.

My psyche’s hometown was victimhood for the first 19 years of my life. I’ll still stop by for visits every so often. (That’s supposed to be funny).

I was raised in a small town in Northern Colorado with a family that I’ve learned to love now. But at the time, I did not. From the outside, everything looked great. My childhood looked great. I always kept it together. But little did anyone know, I was actually suffering from significant C-PTSD (complex-post traumatic stress disorder) from mental, emotional, physical, sexual and spiritual abuse, abandonment and neglect. I was the most sad and scared little girl you could ever imagine.

My family and friends close to me never meant to hurt me. Most of the time, loved ones never intend to hurt anyone. It’s the evil that lurks in the void that does the hurting.

But despite my “fake” appearance of well-being, my inherited and lived trauma made me believe I was constantly in danger, never safe, never loved, not even worth living or breathing. I went dark and stayed quiet. I was usually “too much” to handle or love. Too intense. Too sensitive. Or not good enough. Never just right—I could never do anything “right.” So I thought that if I didn’t exist, everyone would be better off. My power was stripped and destroyed. I was told at a young age that I was the devil and going to hell because I could hear and talk to the deceased. I was made to believe that I was legitimately crazy—that anything I perceived, thought, felt, heard, or saw was bad or imaginary. I felt so unsafe, unsupported, and invalidated every day that terror and loneliness became my baseline. The threat and reality of attack, pain and suffering was my daily experience from both physical humans and demonic beings that only I could perceive. I was a target for some reason. I contemplated and attempted taking my life to make it all stop. I felt completely alone in a cold, dark, terrifying, and very painful world. I was a sad, very scared little girl my entire childhood.

“Hardships often prepare ordinary people for an extraordinary destiny.

— C.S. Lewis

My story Continued…

I dealt with the pain, terror, loneliness, low self esteem and lack of self worth in unhealthy ways. I sought love and attention from boys with my looks and body. I became highly co-dependent, extremely anxious, and hyper-focused on being perfect. I attempted to protect myself from my dangerous environment by disconnecting from myself and everyone around me. I protected my wounds, fragile self esteem and lack of identity by pretending to be someone I wasn’t. I hid from the deep fear, shame and unworthiness, hoping it wouldn’t be seen or be used against me.

The trauma I experienced from age 4+ rocked me to my core with no help, guidance, or support. My heart, soul, and entire being was shattered into thousands of pieces. Fear, pain and misery was all I knew. And that darkness grew deep, deep roots in me.

I did anything I could to run away—I even left my hometown, moved halfway across the globe at 19 to Hawaii, thinking “maybe my pain won’t find me in paradise.” 

But that turned out to be a disappointing hope … 

In my early 20’S, I RECEIVED THE “WAKE UP” CALL THROUGH A TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY WITH FUNCTIONAL MEMORY LOSS AND A GREAT DEAL OF PAIN. 

I was miserable, isolated, sad, and alone. Living in paradise, alone, with the stressful life I had created after college and all that trauma still living inside me wasn’t so glamorous. It took me a long while to appreciate the gift in this experience, as at the time, it felt like death. But God called me forward to deeper healing. And for good reason. I chose to take this injury as an opportunity to finally undo and redo everything in my life. I let go of everything—belongings, relationship, the beautiful islands—and moved to Southern California where I could heal. Though I felt utterly directionless, ashamed, and broken, my sister encouraged me to embark on a different path in hopes of healing, finding my true purpose, & living it. 

I started doing just that. I spent 5+ years working on myself with healing facilitators, therapists, mentors, energy healers, spiritual coaches, personal development programs, self study, you name it. I opened up deep wounds, repressed memories & traumas that were stored in my body & locked away in my unconscious mind. I worked hard at overcoming my perceived limitations, evil self-talk, self-doubt, low self esteem and self woth, shame, anger with my family, people-pleasing patterns, general negativity and worthlessness. I put a lot of sweat equity into my own healing journey as I uncovered lifetimes of trapped emotions and limiting beliefs. It took a great deal of time, support, and love to climb my mountains. But I never gave up because I knew it was all for the purpose of becoming a more integrated human so that I could one day facilitate that same healing and help others transmute their darkness into light. I went on to further training and education in Integrative Psychology, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, ancient Hawaiian energy healing, and intuitive coaching. I healed all the relationships with my family and myself. I began living my true purpose by serving others afflicted with the same or similar limitations and traumas I once believed I had.

Little did I know that was not the happy ending I’d hoped for. Boy do I wish it was! It was actually all preparing me for the next level encounter I had with death.

Near Death

Experience

In my late 20’s, I met my match with the Universe.

I had a stroke-like event in the beginning of Feb 2023 that sent me into multiple full body and brain paralysis episodes over the following 2 months. I lost my ability to speak and almost all of my motor movement in that one event. No hospital, doctor, neurologist, or nurse could figure out what had happened to me. Some disrespected me saying I needed psych meds. Others gaslit me saying they couldn’t find anything wrong. The shock and speed of degeneration of my brain, organs, and ability to breathe gave me a glimpse of what dying feels like. In one of my biggest paralysis episodes, I was faced with my biggest “boss”—my hardest life challenge—so far: to choose and fight to stay alive. Evil said, “We’ve done it. You’re ours now.” They thought they had won. And they almost did.

I spent week after week getting treatment alongside cancer patients. I was up to 3-4 (very painful) IV’s a week, dripping for 6-8 hours at a time on top of SO many other treatments.

I wasn’t sure I’d ever be “normal” again, which was the scariest part. But I stayed connected to my passion and purpose in my mind every day, knowing that I was meant to do important things in this life.

I thank God now for my family. Not only have I learned to love them; I’ve learned that they’re my Earth angels. When I was faced with the choice to give up or not, they said to me, “Sadie, you have the choice to live or die right now. You have to fight. You can’t leave us.” By that time my soul and body had grown weary, fighting for months, confused and trying to get my body moving again, my mouth talking again, and my brain functioning again. But this last paralysis episode split me so deeply that the demons had a hold on my soul.

With the strength of my will, the power of my mind, and the determination to help others find their light, I kept breathing. Even though it would have been easier to just give up and let my body shut down fully, my mission here was too important to forsake. My power and purpose was stronger than evil. The God I chose in those moments was love, empowerment, determination, and strength. From that time on, the choice I made to stay alive set in motion future steps that would actually fully resurrect me to a new and improved version of myself.

The invisible chronic, complex, biotoxin illness that almost took my life did not and does not have more power than me. Even though it’s a combination of faulty genetics, moldy living environments, and biotoxins from the evil powers on this planet, the storm of death traps inside my body was and is not stopping me. I now have more information, more power, and more authority over my cards in this life and I can support my health in a way that keeps me shining on this planet, representing love and light, doing what I came here to do… helping people find home again; the light within themselves.

And now…

At no point was I ever promised life would be easy. But I was promised it would be worth it.

I have taken my struggles, pain and suffering as an opportunity to learn to see past the illusion of pain and focus on passion. I believe that although pain itself may not be a gift, what we choose to do with the pain can be. 

“ALL CHOICES LEAD TO WISDOM.” - Joe Caldera

Choice is a very powerful tool we have as humans. It determines everything about our experience of reality. We can choose victimization or empowerment. Fear or love. Suffering or healing. It’s up to us. Everything I’ve experienced, the good the bad and the ugly, has allowed me to become more of who I am, which I’ve learned and grown to love. I’ve chosen the habit of transmuting my darkness into light. I’ve chosen healing, not chronic suffering. I’ve chosen love not fear. I’ve chosen excitement and adventure to the best of my ability every day since. I choose to follow my passions even when I hit roadblocks.

I am more than my name. I am much more than my physical body. And just like you, I have gifts to give, guidance and healing to share, and support for others choosing their passions & ultimately finding their way back home again—to the light within themselves.

“MAY YOU ALWAYS KNOW THAT YOU ARE BRAVER THAN YOU BELIEVE; STRONGER THAN YOU SEEM; AND SMARTER THAN YOU THINK.” - Winnie the Pooh (A.A. Meline)

My Approach

My work will most likely be completely and totally different than anything you’ve tried before. All my life I’ve thought a little differently than others. I’ve also learned to approach others and their perceived limitations with a “yes and” attitude. Meaning—I hear that you think you have limitations, but at what point are you selling yourself short? Your believed and perceived limitations are not absolute. I’m interested in exploring just how far we can go with your infinite nature. What other possibilities can we create? I also don’t believe I know everything or have every answer. I’m just curious and open minded to find the next step. There is no “one-size-fits-all” healing approach or path. Every person has a unique energetic signature, history, genealogy, personality and temperament. Therefore it’s my highest priority to understand YOU; to step into YOUR reality and support you in whatever ways are best for YOU to have the most expansive experience of life possible.

Healing

I tell all my clients—I am not a healer. I’m merely a conduit, helping you connect up to your source of healing. I can channel to deliver intuitive insights and I can connect energetically to you to help you release energy/emotions/beliefs faster with more purpose and direction.

Life moto

I believe the best thing we can do for our health and happiness is to follow what excites us in every moment that we can with no expectation of the outcome. No matter what darkness we face, we can always transmute it into light. And through our challenges, we can become more of who we truly are.